Parenting Styles that Shape Futures: Which One Are You?
Introduction:
We’ve all heard it—“Yeh sab us ke maa baap ki tarbiyat ka asar hai.”
While it’s unfair to blame all of a child’s problems on their parents, research consistently shows that the parenting style adopted at home can leave a lifelong imprint on a child’s personality, relationships, emotional regulation, and sense of self-worth.
A 2021 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that the parenting approach commonly used by one’s mother or father influences how the child later approaches love, career, self-esteem, and conflict. In other words, the way you parent can shape your child’s emotional response to life’s biggest challenges—and their ability to form healthy relationships.
The good news? Parents who become aware of the limitations or harm of their parenting style can course-correct and nurture a healthier bond with their children.
Let’s break down the four major parenting styles, along with how they often appear in Pakistani families:
- Authoritarian Parenting — “Mera hukm hai, sawaal nahi!”
Traits: High control, low warmth. These parents believe obedience is everything, and punishments are frequent.
Example: Many desi fathers expect children to study specific subjects, marry who they choose, or follow family traditions without question. If the child resists, they’re shamed or emotionally blackmailed. For example, “Humne tumhare liye sab kuch kiya aur tum humein yeh din dikha rahe ho?”
Impact: These children may become people-pleasers, anxious, or rebel later in life. They struggle with expressing emotions and might attract controlling partners or employers due to learned helplessness.
- Neglectful/ Absent Parenting — “Bachay apne aap sambhal jaayenge”
Traits: Low control, low involvement. These parents are emotionally or physically unavailable due to work, addictions, divorce, or personal distress.
Example: A mother dealing with untreated depression or a father busy with business trips often leaves kids raised by domestic staff or screens. Emotional conversations never happen at home.
Impact: These children may develop attachment issues, low self-worth, or go searching for emotional security in the wrong places, making them vulnerable to toxic friendships or abusive relationships.
- Permissive Parenting — “Jo dil karey karo beta”
Traits: High warmth, low discipline. Rules are flexible or nonexistent. The child runs the home.
Example: Parents of a single child giving in to every demand—from not enforcing school attendance to buying the latest iPhone at age 10—out of love or guilt.
Impact: These children may struggle with boundaries, become entitled, avoid responsibility, or lack resilience. They expect the world to accommodate them as their parents did.
- Authoritative Parenting — “Pyar bhi, qanoon bhi”
Traits: High control, high warmth. These parents set clear boundaries but are emotionally available and nurturing.
Example: A father who insists on homework being completed but sits with his child and encourages effort over perfection. A mother who listens when the child is upset instead of dismissing emotions with “kuch nahi hota.”
Impact: This style, according to multiple studies (Baumrind, 1991; Steinberg, 2001), creates the most well-rounded children—emotionally intelligent, self-disciplined, and adaptable.
The Hidden Costs of Poor Parenting Styles
A recent meta-analysis in Child Abuse & Neglect journal (2022) revealed that parenting styles heavily influence a child’s vulnerability to emotional abuse—not just in relationships, but also from future employers and peer groups.
Authoritarian parenting, in particular, may push children to internalize pain, suppress anger, and later release it in damaging ways—including lashing out at their own parents.
As a therapist and hiring professional, I’ve often noticed a remarkable pattern during job interviews. When a female candidate walks in, her confidence level usually mirrors the relationship she had with her father.
Those who were supported, trusted, and allowed to speak up at home sit tall, speak clearly, and don’t shy away from eye contact. Those who were silenced or emotionally neglected often avoid expressing themselves fully—no matter how qualified they are.
So, What’s the Best Parenting Style?
Authoritative parenting is considered the healthiest and most research-backed style. It balances structure with compassion and teaches kids both responsibility and emotional safety.
Key traits to adopt:
- Set clear rules—but explain why they exist.
- Be emotionally available—don’t dismiss feelings.
- Praise effort, not just results.
- Allow age-appropriate decision-making.
- Discipline with empathy, not shame.
Final Word
Parenting is not about being perfect—it’s about being present, aware, and willing to grow. Your child may not remember every rule you made, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
So, ask yourself: What kind of future am I shaping today?
