Why Don’t Kids Listen? Shift Your Mindset, Not Your Volume

One of the most common frustrations parents express is: “Why doesn’t my child listen to me?” But when we say this, we usually don’t mean they have a hearing problem—we mean they’re not being cooperative. They’re not following instructions. They’re ignoring our guidance. And that feels deeply frustrating.

But here’s the real issue: we often try to control before we connect.

Listening Begins with Respect

Human relationships operate on the principle of mutual respect. Parenting is no exception. Before a child listens to us, they need to feel that we are listening to them. This doesn’t mean letting go of authority—it means leading with empathy and understanding.

Before we intervene, correct, or instruct, we need to listen—not just with our ears but with our presence. Only then can we build the bridge that allows healthy communication to flow.

Same House, Different Planets

Parents often want their children to organize their lives better—wake up on time, complete homework, limit screen time. But here’s the catch: we and our children often live on different mental planets. What feels urgent to us doesn’t always feel relevant to them.

We can’t shout across the space between these “planets.” We have to build a bridge.

How to Build the Bridge

Here’s how you can start connecting:

• Notice before you speak: Instead of jumping straight to commands, first observe what your child is engaged in.

• Take interest: Show curiosity in what they’re doing—even if it’s a video game or a silly drawing.

• Connect first, instruct later: When your child feels emotionally seen and valued, they are far more likely to listen to what you say.

Example:
Imagine your son is playing a video game and it’s time for dinner. Instead of saying, “Come eat, how many times do I have to tell you!” try this:
Sit beside him for a moment and say, “Wow, you’re really into this level. What’s happening here?” After he shares a bit, gently add, “Dinner’s ready, can you pause and join us in five minutes?”
This tiny investment of connection can make a huge difference in cooperation.

Parenting Is Emotionally Expensive

Modern parenting isn’t just financially costly—it’s emotionally expensive. We give our best energy, time, and attention to our kids. And still, we often feel we fall short.

In such moments, it helps to shift the focus from what we can’t do to what we can. Can’t buy the latest gadget? Maybe you can give 15 minutes of full attention. Can’t fix every problem? Maybe you can just listen, without judgment.

Conclusion: Connection Over Control

If your child isn’t listening, pause before raising your voice. Raise your awareness, instead. Parenting is not about overpowering; it’s about overcoming the gap through connection, presence, and respect. Start by seeing your child—not just as someone who should listen to you, but someone who needs to be heard by you.

by Talal Zubair

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